A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel sticking out of his pants.

The bartender notices and says, “Hey, there’s a steering wheel sticking out of your pants!”

The pirate says, “Arrrr – it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

Although I’m always looking to learn another one.

There was once an ordinary abbey in an ordinary little town. In this abbey was an ordinary monk who had a particular affinity for flowers. Over time, this monk became known for his ability to grow flowers — big, gorgeous ones that everyone in the town loved.

One day, the monk decided to open a small store in town to sell these flowers. He turned the money over to the abbey to distribute to their charities. At first, this was seen as a good thing.

But the monk’s store became famous. He was so successful, he even thought about leaving the monastery for good to concentrate on the flower business. The abbot was also getting pressure from the religious order, because earning money was something they were supposed to avoid.

The abbot finally decided he had to do something about the monk’s store, and asked him to close it. The monk refused, citing that the store was helping the poor and homeless. The abbot persisted, sending the monk’s friends to persuade him to change his mind. All were unsuccessful.

Finally, in a last-ditch bout of desperation, the abbot went to Brother Hugh. Hugh was the biggest monk in the abbey: 6′ 4″, immensely strong, with a mean-looking disposition. He instructed Hugh to convince the monk to return permanently to the abbey.

The next day, the store closed, the monk took a vow of silence, and was never seen outside the abbey again.

The moral of the story?

Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

(See what I mean?)