How to throw a surprise party (and not get caught)
Posted by Geoff | Filed under General
Surprise parties are one of those great little joys in life. While I’ve never had one thrown for me, I’ve thrown a couple myself. They’re not the easiest things to do, to be certain, but they are definitely some of the most fun.
What makes a surprise party so good? If you’re the host or planner, it’s from the giddiness that forms from knowing what will happen. If you’re the guest of honour (or the victim, depending on your point of view), you get the joy of knowing that people have planned something just for you. It’s a special feeling … or rather, I would hope that it is (not actually knowing myself).
I’m going to speak to the planners, which I assume is why you’ve come to this page. (If you think someone is planning a surprise party for you and are trying to find out if it’s true, I can offer no hints here. If they’re following these suggestions, you won’t know until it’s too late.) You’ve got a hard task ahead of you, but it is a rewarding one if it’s done right.
At all times, you need to remember who is in control: you. Everything that happens is because of you. If you lose control, don’t expect things to go off without a hitch. You can delegate, but you need to know that those you’ve delegated to are trustworthy and reliable. Otherwise, your intended surprise might end up a dud.
There are some basic rules you should follow to ensure that your party goes well and without hitches. Above all, you don’t want to get caught in making the preparations, and spill the beans to the indenting surprisee.
- Secrecy are the first and second words
- Separate and isolate communications
- Better to over-involve than under-involve
- Inform clearly and explicitly
- Know what’s going on at all times
- Be mindful of what you say
- Cover your tracks
- Make sure you have a backup plan
Secrecy are the first and second words
The first rule of the Surprise Party is: you do not talk about the Surprise Party. The second rule of the Surprise Party is: you do not talk about the Surprise Party.
You never know who’s around and don’t think for a second that the six degrees of separation is a myth. So idle chatter about a surprise party is not a wise idea. Similarly, you should always make sure that any communications you send are to specific people, be it by phone, email, or IM. Never send things by post (unless you’re certain there is no way information could leak), by fax (it’s out in the open), or leave voicemails on residential lines (especially if the intended victim lives there).
Swear everyone to secrecy. This means they cannot discuss it with anyone else except you. And ideally, unless they’re involved with the planning or execution, they shouldn’t need to. The less anyone talks, the less chance of the wrong people finding out. As the WWII saying goes: Loose lips sink ships.
Separate and isolate communications
As alluded to above, you need to make sure your communications lines are clear and isolated. This cuts down on crosstalk chatter and sidebars, which are guaranteed to cause problems.
When you talk to people, talk to them individually. This is best because you get immediate feedback, and there’s no question about whether or not they understand what is being asked of them. If you have to do discussions with a group, make sure each person acknowledges what you have said and/or asked. The last thing you need is ambiguity.
Make sure your communications are direct — never make public statements. If you have to send out invitations, make sure that they’re received in a private manner (e.g. the office, through email, talking on the phone). Never leave messages where others can see or hear them, especially if it’s the person you’re surprising.
Finally, don’t communicate unless you have to. Updates are fine, but don’t randomly send out information until you’re ready to do so. This lessens the change of leaks.
Better to over-involve than under-involve
On the flip-side of secrecy is an inadvertent foul-up due to conflicting plans. The best laid plans can go to pot in mere seconds by the actions of someone who is not privy to the surprise party. So when you’re planning, make sure that everyone within the sphere of influence knows what is going on. They don’t have to be invited, just need to know that they can’t foul things up.
Naturally, you can’t cover for everything. There are always things that you simply can’t plan for. (For that, see “Make sure you have a backup plan”.) Consider it as an 80/20 rule. You can cover 80% of all possible actions with relative ease. The remaining 20% are a lot riskier and difficult, and might not interfere with your plans, anyway.
You need a list of culprits. Some will be invited, some not. The list of invitees is up to you, but they still need to be informed:
- friends
- significant others
- co-workers
- teammates
- housemates
- roommates
- spouse
- parents
- siblings
- aunts and uncles
- cousins
- nieces and nephews
- uncle’s cousin’s roommate’s older brother’s girlfriend’s dog
Okay, that last one was a bit much, but you get the point.
Really consider who you’ve got on your list. Each of these people will have contact on a regular basis, and could introduce plans that could thoroughly foul up anything you’ve got going.
Family is particularly important, especially if the party does not directly involve family. Family is the single most powerful thing for some people, and is the reason why your intended guest might decline your casual invitation to spend time with their parents. So if you’re throwing a party, make sure the family knows what’s going on.
Plan big. Get as many people as you can. Sure, you can throw a small surprise party, but why bother when you can have a big one? Besides, you can get a much louder yell out of more people.
Inform clearly and explicitly
Once you’ve got your key list of people, make sure you give details. Tell them everything they need to know: time, place, reason, attire (if any specifics are desired), and who the other people are.
Make sure that you get accurate contact information for each person, and ensure that it’s secure (e.g. that no-one else might inadvertently overhear something they shouldn’t). You might have to employ one or more of your intended invitees to help out if you don’t know enough people up-front.
Don’t be vague at any time. Once you have the details, make sure they’re broadcast to everyone else. Make sure everyone else knows the details, so there’s no question. People need to make sure that they arrive at the surprise location before the unsuspecting target(s) arrive. There’s nothing worse than a surprise with only a few people.
Know what’s going on at all times
Know your details, and know them cold. Make sure you can answer any question about the party or the plans if asked, without having to refer to notes (unless it’s something esoteric). It’s a bit of work, but it’s easier when you’re running around trying to organize things.
Be mindful of what you say
In short, you have to learn to lie.
This is particularly important if you’re the one doing the planning, and the person you’re surprising is close to you (spouse, significant other, friend, family). If you want to conduct a surprise, you need to make sure you don’t tell them anything accidentally.
You also have to make sure they don’t suspect anything. This is the hard part. Humans are inquisitive by nature. If you have a look of “something’s up”, the other party will immediately suspect something. You have to be able to look someone square in the face and say: “No, honey, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Be able to avoid the topic. If they want to plan something for the same time that you’re planning the party, allow them to do so. This will keep them occupied and they will not expect anything than their plans. Defuse the plans as necessary by canceling reservations (while informing of the real plans), or deferring purchases as long as possible. If necessary, go to a backup plan and use some of the invitees to construct a “just in case” scenario to distract.
Cover your tracks
Never leave your plans lying around, even if you live alone. Chances are, someone will see what you’re doing, and if it’s the wrong people, it’s game over. Hide them in drawers (under locks, if needed) or in password-protected files. Delete messages once you see/hear them. Jot down only the most crucial notes.
Create distractions. This is the same technique magicians use to make a ball disappear before your eyes. Make fake plans that will keep someone on their toes. You can even create real plans designed to take the person away from what’s going on, only to bring them back to the surprise to unfold.
Make sure you have a backup plan
No plan is ever perfect. So long as you deal with humanity, you must expect something to go wrong. Be it discovery of the plans, suspicion of a surprise, a sudden illness, disappearance of the subject (hey, it’s been known to happen), or transportation failures, make sure you’ve got something in your back pocket to save the day.
Some things you can plan for. If the gig is up, and you’ve got a few hours before the surprise is planned to go off, admit to a surprise. Just not *the* surprise. Grab a couple of friends and set them up at a different location. Do a small surprise there. Have them all need to leave for different reasons (when in reality, they’re all going the same place you will be going), and then head to the actual surprise.
Some things you can’t. If the gig is up less than an hour away, you might pretty much be screwed. At that point, you might have to resort to the worst thing you can do: ask that they act surprised when they enter the room, if nothing else than for the benefit of everyone else.
A few suggestions
The Home Surprise Party.
This is an easy one, if planned well. Ensure that a trusted person has the keys to the house or apartment. Make sure everyone arrives at least an hour ahead of schedule for decorations, etc. Make sure all cars are parked away from the home. Set a window of 10 minutes before you arrive with the subject so that no-one comes in. If you can, call ahead with a pre-defined ring (twice, and then twice again) to set a “five minute warning). Lights should be off (or in whatever expected state they should be in), and all evidence (especially shoes) should be hidden.
The Office Surprise Party.
A little more difficult, but often the most fun. Call the person away from their desk (get a manager to call them into a closed office or another floor or building) for 30 minutes. Decorate their desk, string lights and streamers, set out snacks and cake (if possible). Get the manager to walk them back to their desks such that it would be difficult for them to see what is about to happen until it’s too late. This works best in environments with actual offices or tall-walled cubicles.
The Central Location Surprise Party.
Sometimes, due to size, you’ll need to hold a surprise party at a restaurant or hotel ballroom. These are harder, since you might draw immediate attention. The trick is then to give the person a reason to have to go there. In the case of a restaurant, you can go under even the most simple reason: lunch or dinner. Make sure you have reservations for all the guests, and make sure the restaurant knows that it’s a surprise party. Ballrooms are much harder, since they have special purposes. You can play it by going to a hotel’s restaurant, and go into a different room. If it’s a community hall, say you were asked to pick something up.
February 15th, 2007 at 12:25
i found this website very helpful!!! i am throwing m very 1t surprise party for a very special friend who is turning 18 and i need all the help i can get!!!
July 21st, 2007 at 19:12
This site was very helpful to me and gave me a much better perspective on what all needs to be done in order for the whole thing to be pulled off without a hitch. Thanks for the info! I’m sure it will help me in throwing the surprise party for my wifes 40th birthday.
July 22nd, 2007 at 09:09
Good luck on your party! Please feel free to share any details that might benefit others!
August 27th, 2007 at 06:05
What if you are trying to get a couple to a banquet hall for their 40th anniversary, so you want them to be dressed properly?
August 27th, 2007 at 08:26
Ooooh… good question! That’s a tricky one, when dress code is an issue.
Well, how about this? Perhaps suggest inviting them out for dinner at a nice, unnamed restaurant (the “surprise”) with just a few people (e.g. family and/or very close friends), and then take them to the banquet hall?
November 9th, 2007 at 14:52
This was definitely a good site for a little guidance. I am having a surprise birthday party for my sister. So far I have done all that is suggested. I hope it goes off well.
November 9th, 2007 at 15:01
Hi Sarah! Please let me know if this helps at all! If you come across anything that should be added/modified, also please let me know!
November 9th, 2007 at 16:17
Hi there! Great website! I have a question for you. My sister and I are throwing a surprise party for our parents. They are moving back to where we spent most of our lives and are surprising them with all their old friends at my sisters house…the question is how to get them both to come over without backing out at the last minute- or to make sure they both come. It will be the weekend after thanksgiving. We are frazzled trying to think of a no fail way to ensure that they both come over…and I suppose ensuring that they ‘appropriatly’ dressed is an issue! Thank you!
November 11th, 2007 at 09:05
Appropriate dress is a tough one. Short of saying that you’re having a formal dinner (which might be a tip-off on its own), you might just want to go casual. (Or alternatively sneak a couple of their nicer outfits to your sister’s place, in case they feel under-dressed.)
As for getting them there, that’s easy. Tell them that you and your sister are making Thanksgiving dinner, and their presence as heads of the family is duly requested. As your parents, there is a certain amount of responsibility as “heads of family”, and they’ll likely come. If mobility is a bit of an issue (or concern, especially if they might not come), do them one up and either pick them up … or have a limo go and get them!
November 14th, 2007 at 20:17
Hi, my mom turns 40 this December and I am throwing a surprise party for her… I need help! Your sight was great help, but I have never been to a 40th birthday party and there are going to be tons of guests. Where do I start with themes, decorations, and activities? Sorry I am new at this.
November 15th, 2007 at 09:54
I’ve been to one 40th party … but I was about 10 at the time, so don’t remember it well.
Themes are a tough one, but I would suggest avoiding the ol’ “Over The Hill” schtick. Been done to death (pun intended). Instead, maybe go for something different. Think of what happened in 1967 — pivotal year for some places in the world. A late 60’s theme, maybe? Or if you happen to be Canuck, you could do a rehash of Expo ‘67… The theme you come up with will also help with decorations, conveniently enough.
Activities are harder. There’s always the normal thing: music, dance, chat, etc. But you could go with some “fun” ones: pin the clothes on the birthday girl, for example. (Huge photograph with silly clothes that people can dress her up in.) You could do trivia games (about your mom, and maybe about the year she was born).
February 7th, 2008 at 19:46
My friend’s favorite local band is playing and we want to surprise her with just a few friends at the show. However, she’s a person who always seems to be running late and we need to be there at a certain time. What’s a good excuse to give her that will make her be on time and dress right?
February 8th, 2008 at 08:21
Easy — pick her up, and tell her your going clubbing. Give her all the details that sounds like she’s going out. Best part is, she’ll expect a night out. Just that her favourite band might not be involved…
March 5th, 2008 at 13:48
Thank you for writing this informative article on planning a surprise party. I linked to it on a surprise party page that I wrote for Mahalo. http://www.mahalo.com/How_to_Plan_a_Surprise_Party
All the best,
Courtney
March 10th, 2008 at 14:43
Hey there,
All these tips are really really good. I want to throw a surprise party for my friend. But in addition to that, I’d like to make a book with birthday wishes from her friends and family from outside of the country. I’m not sure if it’s possible and it’s probably hard to keep it quiet. Any ideas?
Thanks,
Alessandro
March 10th, 2008 at 14:53
Do you have those email addresses? If so, no problem: loop them in (and express the desire for EXTREME secrecy) to get materials for the book. If you have to, resort to phone to get yourself up and running, then go to email (easier to handle different timezones that way). Make sure you handle people individually, though — never do mass broadcasts (far easier to accidentally loop in your intended victim). Promise to send them video of the surprise, as enticement to keep it quiet.
March 10th, 2008 at 16:15
Hmm. I don’t have the email addresses yet. The problem is that I do not know who her friends are. I’ve enlisted her brother who’s sworn to secrecy to help me get the family members but then again, there’s no telling what might happen if one of them who are actually close with her blurts it out right? Not sure how I’m going to extract information about her friends from her so that she won’t be suspicious. A video of the surprise would be neat.
March 11th, 2008 at 07:37
Ah, this sounds familiar — I had this problem, too. If you have even just one friend who knows the others, that’s enough. You use them as your coordinator. They become empowered and can act as a surrogate you. It’s not perfect — you have to implicitly trust that person — and they pass along all the instructions, including absolute secrecy, to all the others. Again, individual contacts instead of mass emailing.
I did this for a surprise party I threw for my friends, as I didn’t have all their friends emails. Instead, I went through two people (one for Stuart, one for Therese) who knew everyone else. It worked very well.
June 22nd, 2008 at 12:00
My friend will be moving soon to China for about 5 years and i am gonna throw her a surprise birthday party. The only thing is that she is moving in about 2 weeks. Do you have any sugestions to help me cuz im not that great at party planning in short amounts of time.
Also what are some fun activities that both girls and guys enjoy? Since its summer should i just have it a Dance and Pool surprise party??
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:01
Short notice, but still possible. I’d definitely go with the Dance and Pool surprise party — sounds like it wouldn’t need a lot of organisation. The less organisation, the better. Get a couple of BBQs, some hot dogs, and beer — you’re set. The hardest part is getting the people, getting them to arrive on time, and keeping them quiet.
July 5th, 2008 at 15:43
Hi…Im listening but theres one problem…My moms b-day is october 14 of this year…and I want to throw her a surprise party but…..my mom says she is not going to work on her b-day so I think she will have her party the saturday before her b-day… and I dont think she or any one else will feel like having another party…..what will I do.
July 5th, 2008 at 18:39
Could you possibly pull it off the night before? If you can figure out who she is inviting, and re-invite them to the night before, you could probably get most people to join in. What about that?
July 24th, 2008 at 18:10
thanks for the info threw anawesome party for my moms 60th we had 100 people turn up and she knew nothing about what was happening.
She had a great time and so did everyone else down side is now I got to clean everything up
July 24th, 2008 at 21:28
Glad to hear it turned out well! Sadly, it’s hard to throw a surprise clean-up party. Everyone seems to know about when the mess needs to be cleaned up.
August 2nd, 2008 at 04:06
ok im planning a surprise party for my mom but the thing is i havent really thought about it and i have under a week to do it i need your help on how to throw a surprise party on short notice im so desprite
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 3rd, 2008 at 17:23
Hi Breyonna,
Sorry for the delay — was away for the weekend. You could still do a surprise party, but the single hardest thing to arrange with your schedule is the people. Getting the stuff for the party (food, etc.) is a snap by comparison.
Do you have a list of people? If so, you can start by phoning each of them. Tell them that it’s a surprise party, to be at a specific location by a certain hour (and make it at least 30 minutes before your mom arrives), and to not tell anyone else. If you have to leave a message on voicemail, have them call you on your cell phone (or something similarly private so there’s no chance of your mom finding out).
It’s rushed, but if you keep it simple (I’d suggest a restaurant, by the way, if you can get one to handle enough people — then you don’t even have to worry about food), you can still make it work.
October 3rd, 2008 at 14:34
Thanks for all the great advice on this site. My brothers and I are throwing a surprise 25th wedding anniversary for my parents in 3 weeks. I have already sent out the invitations and started planning food, decorations, etc. However, we still have one issue to address: How to get them out of the house. We got them to save the date (under the guise of a nice dinner with my brothers and me and my grandma and grandpa). Now I need to come up with a way to get them out of the house from 4-6pm so that we can decorate and the guests can arrive. I’d even be okay with saying, “We’re going to cook you guys a nice dinner, so we planned XX for you while we are cooking. Dinner will be served at 6.†But we need to fill in that XX and come up with an activity to keep them busy and out of the house. Any ideas?? I have plenty family and friends willing to help but I think their presence might make them suspicious. We live in the southwest suburbs of Chicago.. but too far from the city do something there and come back. Please help.
Thanks,
Kara
October 3rd, 2008 at 15:00
Ooof. That’s a tough one, Kara. You need a darn good excuse to get them out.
So here are some thoughts:
Invite them out for an afternoon cocktail at a nice restaurant. Is there one nearby that overlooks water or something?
Afternoon tea. It’s right in that time period, and tea can easily use up two hours. But you need to find a good place to go. A good afternoon tea is worth a drive if you get all the goodies that go along with the tea.
Plant a tree. No, I’m not kidding. See if there’s a forest nearby that allows commemorative tree-planting. It can be very symbolic to plant a tree like that.
Offer to take them to a really nice place you heard about for a little afternoon treat. But choose something that either doesn’t exist (e.g. you were given bad information) or is actually closed on the actual day. “Ooops.”
Send them on a “scavenger hunt” that keeps them going from place to place, meeting with people, having drinks (or whatever) that gives them clues along the way until they get back.
I hope you find something that works! It sounds like it will be a good party!
October 5th, 2008 at 13:53
for my birthday my friend threw me an amazing surprise party..probably following all these hints! i had a great time, and want to return the favor. the problem is i only have a few months till his birthday, so he’ll probably be suspecting a surprise party because he just threw me one. is there any way i can avoid suspicion?
October 5th, 2008 at 19:10
Alex, my friend, this is easy:
Disinformation.
In other words, allow him to find out about a surprise party that is actually fake. Even organise a few people to lead him down the road so that he thinks one is being thrown.
Then plan a real one for the day before. Or the day after. Just not on the day of — that’s just too obvious.
October 13th, 2008 at 18:19
hey thanks im eleven and i want to throw my mo
m a surprise party and this definitly helped me lots
October 13th, 2008 at 22:10
Hi Taylor! If you feel up to it later, can you tell us if it worked out for you? You don’t have to tell us names, but I’d love to know if the surprise went as you planned!
October 29th, 2008 at 19:13
WOW, thanks. This was so much help. I’ve been stressin up a storm because I’m throwing one for ma sister. Shes starting to stay away from me because of my “sudden intrest” in her life. I’m having her best friends be my evil cohorts and spies. My mom moved up the date so now I have 1 week to do everything so this site is helping SO much.
-Kiki
December 1st, 2008 at 08:37
[...] How to throw a surprise party (and not get caught): This guide knows that surprise parties at the office are risky…and a lot of fun. [...]
December 5th, 2008 at 10:30
I am throwing a surprise party for a great friend at a restaurant. I am trying to find a great way to get her there!! Any ideas?
December 5th, 2008 at 18:58
Hey Kuhi! Why not offer to take her to dinner?
December 21st, 2008 at 08:45
i read your tips and they are really good especially that im throwing my first surprise party. only one problem. my other friend wants to help bcz she wants to do something for the birthday girl to but i know she will be bossy and wants things to go her way and that she will invite only the ppl she likes. in the end i will crack up under the pressure. i don’t want to fight with her over this cz i will be blamed to being bossy…so what can i do to let her help but keep this surprise the way my friend likes it(the birthday girl)
January 1st, 2009 at 21:20
Hi Ashley! My humble apologies on the delay — apparently my blog neglected to tell me there was a comment!!
Hmm… tough problem. It’s hard working with a bossy person. So rather than fight them, let them run with the hard stuff, but make sure you know what’s going on as much as possible, so you can include other people, too. So if this person makes a reservation for 10, you can adjust for the other people you want to invite. And make sure that the other person knows, too. If you describe it as “helping” rather than “making sure it’s done right”, they’ll still feel like they’re in control.
Oh, and you’ll probably have to let them take the spotlight for planning everything. Don’t worry — if the birthday girl is smart (they usually are), they’ll know who to thank.
January 12th, 2009 at 11:19
I think these tips are soooooooooooooooooo good!!!:)Im throwing a party for my friend at her house and I don’t know how to give out the invotations without her seeing and I can’t get everyone’s addresses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:( (Please help me in the next 5 days)!!!!:):D!!!!!!!!!!
January 12th, 2009 at 12:20
Hey Elly,
I had this problem once before, myself. Presumably some of the people you’re inviting know some of the others, correct? Have them become couriers, and make sure they pass along the information to the people you can’t contact directly. That way, people feel a little more involved, and will likely try to hide the secret even more!
January 13th, 2009 at 20:15
Hi Geoff,
Love this site. I am having a surprise birthday party for my mom this weekend, and my original plan to get her there has tanked. It’s at a local venue which is not a restaurant or club, and am wracking my brains on another way to get her there. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
(All the other prep is done………just need the surprisee!!!)
January 13th, 2009 at 21:34
Hi Liz!
Yeah, those get kind of predictable, eh? How about a friend’s house? (Her friend, one she might be likely to visit without a particular reason.) A museum or art gallery? (Short notice is sometimes hard to do, but late-day/after hours events might be possible.) Depending the weather, a nearby park you can go to on a “walk”? Or you can go REALLY esoteric and suggest everyone meet you at the local 7-11 just for laughs, and THEN go to some place like a restaurant for a group meal. Think outside the box — go with something that would be fun!
January 14th, 2009 at 17:41
Geoff,
Thanks for the ideas. I’ll let you know how it turns out
January 16th, 2009 at 14:40
Dear Geoff,
As I was reading through the comments starting back in 2007 I was so happy to find out you’re still giving advice!
A week from tomorrow I’m throwing a surprise 18th birthday party for my best friend. It’s a house party and we’re going with a theme of the tv show The Office, so everyone is wearing business clothes and the whole thing is planned accordingly. If you happen to watch the show, do you have any ideas on what else I can do? How in the world do I decorate to make it look like an office?
And I need to make sure its completely a surprise, but is there any way to do that besides swearing everyone to secrecy? Pretty much if you have any advice in general for the party, it would be greatly appreciated. (Like it is best for the guests to hide or just shout when she walks in the door? etc…)
Thanks so much!
January 16th, 2009 at 17:16
Hey Mickey,
That’s the joy of being a Know-It-All — you can’t help but give out advice.
Anyhoo, I don’t actually watch The Office (though I have caught the odd episode) as I don’t really watch a lot of TV.
That said, you know the show better than I do, so ask people to dress up not only in business clothes, but ask them to take on the personalities of people on the show. Bring in props. Have someone (or two or more, if you can find people to do it!) film the party and then splice together your own version of The Office.
January 24th, 2009 at 12:21
Hiya – my mum is gonna turn 40 in march and i want to throw a surprise party for her- im only 13 so its kinda difficult. So far my plans are – ill get my dad to take out my mum to a restaraunt for lunch and then see a movie, meanwhile i will get my 2 neighbours to help set up the decoractions ect which will be hidden at their house. Have you got any advice though to help me out
January 26th, 2009 at 07:35
Hi Vicky!
That’s a very noble (and ambitious) thing for you to do! You must love your mom a lot!
You seem to have the basics already figured out — I assume your dad is in on the surprise? Are you inviting any of your mom’s friends? You might need your dad’s help to contact them all. Your dad can help you a lot, and would probably be very excited to surprise your mom!
What about getting her favourite flavour of cake? You could even make the party with a theme so it’s like her favourite television programme.
Just remember: Everyone who knows has to be sworn to secrecy!!
March 7th, 2009 at 12:38
I threw a going-away surprise party for my friend recently using your tips! She had no idea that it was going on, and we had some great final moments with her before she left. Thank you SO MUCH!!!
March 26th, 2009 at 02:55
i am throwing a surprise party for a thirteen year old. its the first time iv done it how do you distract the surprise-ee for half an hour to get her out of the house? HELP!
April 5th, 2009 at 08:12
how do i get my mum out of the house
April 5th, 2009 at 22:19
Take her shopping or out for lunch, and have someone trusted handle the act of organisation within the house.
April 10th, 2009 at 15:14
Oi! U lot! I need help-My mum is havin a supraise b-day party and I wanna theme it. Only On her birthday day -We going to Knokke (Belguim) and I NEED THE PARTY ON MONDAY-HELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 12th, 2009 at 13:50
Hey Desperate,
Admittedly, I’m not sure where to start with your request. IT’s a tough one. Do you just need some decorating ideas? Or how to surprise your mom?
I’d just go with what feels “right”. You might not get it perfect, but even a good attempt is seen as a wonderful thing.
April 16th, 2009 at 15:54
Hi! Great tips! Do have any suggestions for unique forms of live entertainment? I am throwing my sister a surprise 25th bday party at our house (we live together, so this will be tricky) I was thinking of going with a luau theme. I do not have a limitless or huge budget, but do have some money to spare on entertainment….Also, what do you think is the best form of invite? E-vite or hard copy invitations?
April 20th, 2009 at 12:49
Hi, great site this, really handy!
I am planning a surprise party for my partners 30th in about 6 weeks, however I can’t get the venue I wanted now so I’m going to have to do it in our house – we have lots of space so thats not too much of a problem.
I am planning on getting friends and family over from various places across the UK, but most will just come down for the night itself.
I can get her out of the house easy enough, I can say we’re going for drinks and then get some friends to come over and do up the house for me – but how do I get her back in the house again without it seeming obvious?
I don’t really want to start the party till about 7:30 or 8pm, so I can’t use the pretence of going home for dinner etc!
Any help would be appreciated :0)
April 20th, 2009 at 13:13
Hi Melinda,
Personally, I find electronic invites (emails, IMs, what-have-you) are better, only because you can’t leave them out by mistake.
As for entertainment, what about finding local bands who are looking for a few extra bucks and able to play different kinds of music?
April 20th, 2009 at 13:18
Hi Biddy!
How do you feel about being truly devious? Consider someone calling you saying the police are at your place and that you need to come back immediately?
You can even have people dress in things like trenchcoats (looking like detectives) so when you rush in, there’s a better surprise…
April 21st, 2009 at 13:27
Hi Geoff,
Thats a great idea, and as my neighbours will no doubt be at the party they’d be perfect to do this for me!
Thanks for the advice!
April 25th, 2009 at 06:52
I was wondering how I could take my bff to a fancy dinner surprise party and make sure she’s wearing fancy clothes? This might be a problem because she thinks she’s going somewhere casual so she probably won’t dress up. Help, please! Also check out my website,
http://sites.google.com/site/shortficstories/Home
and email stories to me at princesspetalscuttlebug@gmail.com because the well-written stories will be published on my website. Thanks for such a cool site, Geoff!
April 29th, 2009 at 22:27
Hi Petal,
Tough call. That’s always going to be a problem, when you want fancy dress and you can’t think of a good reason to convince them otherwise without being suspicious.
The only thing I can think of is if you do the old bait-and-switch: tell them you’re taking them to something requiring fancier dress (e.g. the opera) which isn’t on the night you’re going (or you “lose” the tickets), and then go to your party.
May 9th, 2009 at 00:27
[...] secret of course should be apparent in the handing out of the invitations. It should be well stated that it is a surprise and the invitee should, in every way possible, keep [...]
May 28th, 2009 at 16:12
I came up with the idea for a surprise party for my best friend and i have 2 other friends involved. Problem is, we’re 13. Well I’m 13 but the others are still 12…:)…anyways, i have old luau decorations but we are kind of short on money…we think we might have place and someone I asked said it was probably aroun $10 an hour. Then, there’s food, drinks, etc. How do we get money??
Also, HOW DO WE INVITE PEOPLE???
We plan this to be in July, the same month as her birthday…do we hurry and get the invites out before school ends [June 5th!!! eek!] or invite thru texting [we have about 1/2 of the numbers of people we plan on inviting], myspace [most have a myspace though some still don't], emailing/IM-ing [we have some of the people...]. Then there are the ones we have no contact with over summer….what do we do?
Plzz Helpp!!!
May 30th, 2009 at 20:17
Hi Emily!
Consider a potluck. When you’ve got your people invited, assign each of them a type of mean to bring: salad, entrée, dessert, appetizer, etc. That way costs are kept low, and everyone feels like they’re contributing to the party.
As for inviting people, try using some people to contact other people. It’s a little riskier — you have to trust those other people not to spill the beans. But if you can have the word passed along to contact you, then you can help get things organised.
June 10th, 2009 at 15:36
Hello!
I can’t believe you are still replying to the comments here! Great site!
I am having a surprise party for my husband’s 30th birthday. I am going to have it at my mom’s house and it will be intimate with only about 15 of his friends and their children. I don’t think he will be expecting it.. His birthday is on Monday the 15th, and we aren’t having the party until Saturday the 20th. we are also going out to the city this weekend to celebrate, and to throw him off.
I am doing the typical “Over the Hill”, because it is easy, and I need easy!
My problem is.. How can I spend the day away from him without him getting suspicious, and then expect him to show up at my mother’s house?
I do have an accomplice… and I am thinking that I will tell him I am taking a class at church that day (he doesn’t attend with me), or going to a mandatory training for work, or maybe just seeing if my accomplice will keep him busy for the day.. We usually spend Saturday’s together, so this will be very out of character…
I’m also a bit nervous.. because for whatever reason.. He is really freaking out about turning 30. He’s been pretty down in the dumps.. and I hope this party will cheer him up and see that age is only a number! I had invitations made that said “Over the Hill, join us as we mourn the loss of XXXX’s youth, and celebrate making it up the hill! I want to poke a little fun at him for being so dramatic.. but I don’t want to upset him…
Any suggestions?
June 14th, 2009 at 20:09
Tough call, there, Love — playing the “over the hill card” can be risky to someone already depressed about it. (For the record, I crossed that milestone nearly 7 years ago. I suggest the following thought: You are only as old as you act!)
Frankly, your best ideas are the ones you’ve already thought of — stick to things you already do. Deviating from that (e.g. coming up with something you wouldn’t normally do) will only raise suspicion. As for him — see if you can get one of his friends to drag him out for something they would normally do. That’ll keep him distracted, too.
June 18th, 2009 at 23:04
Hey… I’m throwing a surprise picnic party this weekend. I found an awesome location… except I have a dilemma. What happens if this location is OUTSIDE, and the weather forecast predicts SHOWERS? Any alternatives for a backup?
June 26th, 2009 at 13:14
Hi J!
Sorry I didn’t get back to you soon enough (my email ain’t what it used to be). I hope your party went off well?
Showers are hard to contend with. If you can afford it, I recommend renting a (large) party tent. Or see if you can find a community park that has permanent shelters. Often that’s the best route.
June 29th, 2009 at 16:47
Hi Geoff! I got lots of great ideas from your site!
My friend’s birthday is in August, she’s turning 14, and my other friend and I are planning a party for her. The problem is, our guests are a very diverse set of people with conflicting interests. The last time we had a party half the people sat around bored, and the other half just ate. How do we plan it so we have games and events that will entertain everyone? I’m sorry to say it but a lot of her friends are selfish peopl and will easily complain that they are bored.
We have had surprise parties before for various people and they are getting a little repetetive. What should we do do keep things different and special for her day? At the parties before now usually either we invited her to someone’s house where everything was set up and then surprised her, and for my own one they planned it at my house (it was really good) but she may be expecting/suspecting something. What would you recommend?
What day do we throw the party? Her birthday’s late August, but we don’t want to do it on the day of because it will be obvious.
How do we contact her brother? We are going to try to go to her house when she is away and do an ambush, and we need his house. She has Caller ID and always picks up her home phone when I call. He does not own a cell phone. We are considering having a guest with an unfamiliar phone number call her, disguise their voice and ask to speak with her brother. What if she (the victim) asks who called? We will have to keep in contact regularly, though, and they share a computer so email is risky.
Sorry for writing so much, but we are very anxious to do this right!
Thanks so much.
July 3rd, 2009 at 09:12
Man, you guys always manage to keep my on my toes.
Well, Christine, you’ve got yourself a doozy of a problem. Let’s go back to mantra #1 about surprise parties:
You gotta be devious.
I suggest something different than a house, if you can swing it. Just because — as you put it — it’s a little more obvious (and sometimes harder to do). Perhaps at a totally different location? And something that’s perhaps a little out of the ordinary for your typical habits. Like, perhaps, a bowling alley!
You can approach the management at these places (bowling or otherwise) and set up a reservation. They’ll often accommodate parties quite easily, and more often than not — no-one sees it coming. Also, because the venue is different, it’ll keep the fun level up. There’s no pressure to try make everyone have fun. Also, places like these often have their own catering (e.g. snack stand) so you don’t have to worry about bringing things in. Keep it light and simple.
Also, that way, you don’t have to hunt down people who don’t own cell phones or run the change of the wrong person seeing a bad email.
July 3rd, 2009 at 23:05
I am the other friend of Christine’s.
The only thing about this party, is that im worried of the expenses. Everytime that I throw a party for my friends, me and Christine are always the ones paying the price. Our other friends, quite frankly, dont care. They will be there for the party, and that’s it. I am..disgusted by this. Im not going to pay for everyone. How can we make sure that myself and christine aren’t the ones paying. The plan right now is for me to take our friend out to a movie, then take her bowling or to someone else’s house. or her house.
I am so worried that nobody will care.
Thanks sooo much
July 6th, 2009 at 18:43
Hi Geoff! Thanks for the reply, the bowling idea was great and we’re building on that (as you can see from Jenna’s comment).
I just had a quick question: is it better to have more people to increase the effect of the surprise or restrict it to only people that she is close friends with? In other words, quantity or quality? We don’t know if we should invite people that we’re not sure if she likes/is close friends with. We’ve got some “maybe” people that are sort of friends with our little circle of friends, but they are more like friends of friends to our victim. If we only invite a few people, though, won’t it give off the impression that the other people (that we would normally invite to a social gathering) didn’t want to come?
Thanks, this has been giving me a big headache for the past few days.
July 6th, 2009 at 20:58
Hi Jenna!
Ehhh… you got to the toughest part of a party: Who foots the bill?
I totally understand the issue of cost. The parties I’ve arranged were done two ways:
1) Potluck (easy when you’re at a home)
2) I paid
If you do a pre-event at a home, you can swing the potluck easily enough. (But do yourself a favour: ASSIGN the dishes people are to bring, or you’ll get a dozen cakes, a bunch of salads, and nothing substantial to fill the gap.) The dishes don’t need to be big enough to feed everyone — in fact, the more people you have, the smaller the dishes can end up being.
I find that the latter (paying for it yourself) gives you the most control, but unless you’re able to handle a couple hundred dollars, I don’t recommend it. Given your likely means, this isn’t like your your best move.
The last resort is to ask others to help pay. Mostly because asking others to give you money really puts everyone in an awkward imposition — they have about as much money as you do, and some will even see it as an insult. (It sucks, yes, when people refuse to see the value your providing and boil it down to mere numbers. Sadly, things that take people a while to grow out of.)
July 6th, 2009 at 21:03
Hey Christine,
Excellent way of stating the problem: Quality over Quantity.
Consider this: a good surprise party is an intimate sort of thing. (Scaring the bejezus outta someone is an event that most people wouldn’t want to share with even friends-of-friends.) In cases where you’re truly hiding and all shouting “SURPRISE!”, then definitely go for quality. (Not to mention that hiding a lot of people is really freaking hard.)
If you’re going for a more public event, go for numbers. Mostly because in lieu of the actual surprise, you want to show someone that there are a lot of people who care about them (the “friend-of-a-friend” factor tends to be overlooked in these cases).
July 7th, 2009 at 11:28
hi i know its only july but my dads birthday is in december 28th and i want to throw a surprise party for him but dont know how im 14 and i was looking for help any tips?
July 11th, 2009 at 20:33
Hey Liz!
There’s nothing like planning ahead! Given your father’s birth date, you could do something a little more fun and throw him a surprise party on New Year’s Eve. He might not be expecting it, and it would be fun for everyone else, too. You could take him to a friend’s (one of his, I would presume), and most of the guests “don’t show up” (they’re really hiding somewhere else in the house). When he goes into the room — SURPRISE! and the real party gets underway.
Just a thought…
July 12th, 2009 at 16:20
i want to throw my mom an awesome 50th birthday party, but i’m only 14. my mom’s birthday is november 1, so i may have some trouble planning people to come. i want to have a theme, but not the old “over the hill” theme. i have no idea how to plan a surprise party because i’ve never done this. could you offer some advise because i’ve never done this. also i want to hold this at my house, so how many people should i invite? this is all really new to me so please HELP!!!!! if you could tell some themes, how many to invite, where to host, and basic surprise party things that would be great!!!!!
July 17th, 2009 at 20:55
Thank you for these highly helpful tips I’m throwing a surprise birthday party for my sister but she spends most of the time at the house and i need her to go some place else so that we can decorate what should i tell her ?
July 25th, 2009 at 04:34
Hi , im having a suprise party for my big sister sarah, it is going to be in our garden (but it is in a hidden area in the garden so she wont see!)
and my neighbour is going to call her for our house to tell her that she wants her to help her with some work and she is going to lead my sister to the garden to our suprise party , but how do we get her to dress nicely?????
July 27th, 2009 at 08:30
Hey Janet,
Two thoughts there: 1) Have the party somewhere else (one of her friends’ homes?) or 2) see if you can get one of her friends to take her out for a couple of hours, and then get some help to decorate quickly. The trick will be making sure everyone arrives while your sister is gone, of course.
July 27th, 2009 at 08:31
Hi Julia,
You’ve done a great job setting everything else up, but getting someone to dress a certain way means you need to also set up a scenario that would require them to do so. For example, if your neighbour were also to suggest going to, say, high tea or something. (Or even, a garden party! Your sister wouldn’t necessarily know that the party is also a surprise party for her!)
July 27th, 2009 at 09:12
Hi Nell,
Sorry, I somehow missed your comment! My apologies!
As for your question, I’d suggest you read through the post, and then through the comments. You’re not the first person to have questions like yours, and hopefully some of the other comments here might help!
If you still have questions afterwards, just follow up with another comment and I promise to try answer it much more quickly.
August 11th, 2009 at 21:21
hey! great site–lots of good tips. im speaking with a sense of urgency at the moment, so i would love if you could answer my comment
my friend is turning 14 on friday (its currently tuesday night) and her brother and one of our friends is planning a surprise party for her. I’ve been given a single job: get her out of the house from 5 until around 6. i have no idea how to get her away. but i need a solid reason for her to leave–she likes to just chill @ her place most of the time, so it needs to be worthwhile for her. thanks in advance for help! 
August 12th, 2009 at 07:43
Hey Jessica,
This is going to be exceedingly stereotypical, but what about taking her shopping? It doesn’t even need to be for her — you can ask her to come along as a shopping companion! (That way, no financial burden on her.)
August 27th, 2009 at 08:50
Heey there!
My husband has recently lost 97 pounds, and will soon reach 100. I want to throw him a surprise party to celebrate and show him how many people are rooting for him.
So far, I’m thinking the venue will be either the local bowling alley or our home.
I’d like to go with the “100″ theme, and am tossing around ideas about that. Any suggestions would be great!
My real question, though, is about the food… the typical party food feels a bit wrong when we’re celebrating such weight loss, and my husband isn’t eating anything with sugar. I want him to be able to enjoy all of the offerings. Any ideas?
Thanks!
August 30th, 2009 at 13:16
Hi Heathar!
You’re a very considerate person! 100 lbs is definitely something to celebrate.
Yes, the food would definitely be a problem. I suggest browsing sites like The Food Network, or lookup the Moosewood series of cookbooks (most of them are very low-fat, and often vegetarian) for suggestions.
September 26th, 2009 at 09:10
i am throwing a surprise for my twin sis i am 13 and it is for her 14th i am very excited but scared i will screa it up tanks this really helped me!!!
September 26th, 2009 at 13:49
Hi Micayla,
Here’s something to consider: If you’re intended victim is surprised and has a good time, then the only person who would know anything not going to plan would be you. If you can live with it, then it’s a success.
October 17th, 2009 at 12:36
Hi Geoff,
I’m throwing a surprise party for my sister tonight and everything’s set. She thinks the party is going to be hosted at her friend’s house, so while she’s there decorating, the party guests and I will be at my house, ready to surprise her.
The problem is, I don’t know how to get her to come back to my house. I was thinking of saying the freezer broke and she needs to come pick up her ice cream cake…but I can easily see her sending someone else to do it so she can keep decorating. What can I do?
October 18th, 2009 at 22:49
Nevermind. We went with a modified version of the cake plan, and it worked. Yay! My sister was so surprised that she screamed, ran out the door, and start bawling. A bit of an extreme reaction! She said she was already having a very emotional day, but they were happy tears and everyone had a wonderful time! Thanks for your tips!
October 19th, 2009 at 12:51
Hey Beth! Sorry I couldn’t get back to you sooner (I was on vacation), but I’m delighted to hear that plans worked out! Congrats!
October 28th, 2009 at 12:43
HI, im having a surprise party for my boyfriends 19th birthday.. im having it at a hall on the 13th of november and im having a dj.. and im worried there wont be alot of people… its a private party and i invited like 70 people because i knew alot of them would bring other people, but only 10 people confirmed yes and 20 confirmed maybe..about 10 people confirmed no and the other never confirmed anything yet.. im scared they wont get there invites on facebook and i dont know how too contact them! ..im not even sure i can afford the dj what else could i use for music in a hall with a whole bunch of people?? Need help fast!!
October 28th, 2009 at 13:35
Hey Kanesha,
There’s sadly little way to make people commit to things, so the hardest part of any surprise party is the guests. Hopefully, if they’re friends and know it’s supposed to be a surprise, it’ll be enough.
As for music, never dismiss the power of a mix tape … or a custom song list on your handy iPod.
Put together not just good party music, but specifically music your boyfriend likes (especially the dirty little secret songs). All you need then are a pair of speakers loud enough to be heard, and you can usually rent those pretty cheaply if you (or your friends) don’t have something.
November 2nd, 2009 at 23:20
hi my sister is going to hawi very soon and i want to throw a suprise party for wen she gets back it will be at my house and inviting people is no problem but i need help on ideas on how to plan it like what i could buy for it were gunna turn it into a dance party please help it not that far away
November 5th, 2009 at 07:51
Hi Katrina,
Sadly, I’m not much of a party planner for people I don’t know, so I don’t know what all I can offer for you. About the only thing I can suggest is read through all the comments here (there are LOTS), and see if anything sparks your imagination. In the end, it’s your knowledge of your sister (her likes and dislikes) that will make the party a true success.
Good luck!
December 13th, 2009 at 15:00
hi its my friends 13 birthday soon and i’m trying to throw a surprise party, i’m kinda shy around parents so i tried asking her what she wanted to do and she said oh my moms planing it so i said o k who do u ant invited trying to get little hints and shes like my moms planing it so i don’t know what to do now
December 13th, 2009 at 23:46
Hi Bianca,
One key thing is to never force something. It’s true for love, mis-matched screw heads, and parties. You don’t want to force something and have it come off badly. Especially if someone else is already planning something. One thing you could work towards in the future is to get more used to talking with parents.
December 19th, 2009 at 20:18
So I hope someone can answer this before tomorrow because me and one of my best friends are planning a surprise 18th birthday for one of our good friends. The problem is is his mom needs him out of the house by 2 and at the location by 4:30. we already know how were getting him there, hiding cars, ect.
But the problem is he thinks 4 of us are going out to coffee and were driving him since its his birthday and we dont want him to have to drive. But lately he has been pretty get up and go when we all hang out like wanting to go home and since its his birthday he wants to hang out with other people too. (he will be though but he doesnt know
so we need an idea that keeps him excited and occupied for over 2 hours. We don’t really have money to spend and we live near a big city where we could do something.
but what? cause remember he’s a teenage boy and doesnt want to sit at lunch for 3 hours on his birthday lol
Help please!
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:46
Okay, so I’ve been asked to help a friend divert her boyfriend from his surprise party. Ordinarily, it would be no problem, BUT he is throwing a Christmas party at his house that night and I think he may be a little resistant to leaving his house when people may be showing up…. I was thinking my fiancee and I could just ask them to get drinks before the party, but not sure about this idea. Any help would be much appreciated!!!
December 22nd, 2009 at 15:04
Oy. Competing parties, one of which is being hosted by the intended surprisee? Sorry, Amanda, but your friend be hooped. You can’t do that kind of thing without seriously pissing off the guy throwing his own party. Can you convince your friend to change the date of the party?
December 22nd, 2009 at 15:05
Hey Christy,
What about going to see the first showing of a new movie? Avatar is nearly 3 hours…
January 12th, 2010 at 13:49
Hi there –
I am throwing a surprise 25th birthday party for my boyfriend this weekened. Everything is planned but the party is taking place at his house and I need help getting him out of HIS house. I live about an hour away from him, and I cannot be the one to distract him as I am picking up some of his friends from the airport. Guests will be arriving at 8pm, and I need a few hours to set up for the party. Any suggestions? I thought of having his roomate take him to see Avatar, but I just checked the movie times and it is playing either too early or too late.
Thanks! Your help is much appreciated!!!
January 12th, 2010 at 16:06
Hey Marie,
Try arranging to have a couple of (nearby) friends take him out for drinks. They shouldn’t be able to stay out all night, as they have “other plans”, so have to drop him off at home (obviously, at a designated time).
March 6th, 2010 at 16:33
I’ve got 3 months until my husbands 40th birthday. So far I have inlisted his mom (which is one of his surprises). How do I keep him out of the neighborhood hangout the day of? That’s where the party is going to be.
March 8th, 2010 at 09:16
Hey Mandy,
One word: Friends. This is where you call in his friends to be the distraction. Have them take him out for a “guy” afternoon, or whatever is needed to get him out of the picture. A round of golf, for example, is an ideal thing (mostly because of the time involved) to keep him at bay. Then they can bring him to the hangout afterwards for post-event libation.
March 12th, 2010 at 20:56
Hi Geoff,
My problem is with coming up with an idea so that my mother in law doesn’t expect we’re planning a suprise party…
Their family always has parties for their milestone birthdays, and so she will get pretty sus if we don’t talk to her about planning a party for her 60th in october. I don’t really like the idea of the ‘diversion party’ planned for the week after.. but I can’t think of any other idea
Any help would be really appreciated
Thanks